happy birthday!

happy birthday, juliet. today is going to be your birthday. we love you! can't wait to meet you...

the plan.

so....i have been extremely miserable this past week...emotionally, physically...mainly physically. i am SO done!! my main complain would have to be my swollen feet, ankles and calves. they are stretched to the max and it's super itchy and painful, especially at night. drinking water and elevating my feet doesn't seem to do a darn thing. ugh!

saw my doc today! here's the low down....

• 2cm dilated
• 70-80% effaced
• did a stress test, all is well

we've decided that if i don't go into labor this week, i'll be induced on monday. yay!! there is an end date!! i'm a planner, so i'm hoping to be induced on monday. i'd rather know when it's going to happen than go into labor at 2am or something. besides, monday is the only day my doc is on-call and can deliver juliet. i really want him to be the one there. 

there you have it!! by monday, juliet will be here!!

ready to POP!!

today marks 38 weeks. two weeks to go!! i'm ready. well, i'm not "READY ready" but....i never will be! the house will never be as clean as i want it to be, nor as organized. i will not be 100% ready to take on a newborn in addition to the four we already have...but, que sera sera! who is ever truly ready in every single way??

saw my doc today! here is the low down...

• i'm 160 pounds (yay! doing great!)
• 1.5 cm dilated
• 60% effaced
• doc said he was touching her head. awww!!

our fireplace mantel finally arrived and jim installed it. finally bought a bumper pad for juliet's crib. patched up some holes in the wall next to her crib last night and ready to touch-up with some paint! then i'll add the super cute wall decal. yes, photos will come... feels great to get stuff accomplished, even if it IS last minute.

there's still a few piles of randomness in the hallway i need to figure out what to do with. argh...that is not fun. but i want it out of sight before i go into labor!! at least all that miscellaneous stuff is finally out of her room. her room is juuuust about ready. *squeal*

it's been UBER-hot lately. thank goodness for the a/c in my bedroom!! still, with four kids i can't hang out in there all day (i tried, lol). nope, they keep knocking...or just barging in and then leaving the door open. *gasp* being this pregnant in these high temps is soooo not fun! been trying to make it as fun as possible for the kids with ice cream, popsicles and smoothies and slip'n'slide fun/waterballoon wars in the backyard. occasionally, we go someplace local. hopefully they understand the situation - MOM is about to POP! i stopped doing Zumba last week...that should tell you EVERYTHING. lol....

looking forward to meeting our juliet! looking forward to getting my body back! and savoring every last kick and wiggle she makes because it's the last time i'll ever feel it. *sigh*

tick tick tick....

i'm a ticking time bomb!!

it must be getting pretty crowded in that womb of mine. juliet isn't moving about as crazily as she used to. not sure how she's feeling about things, but i'm ready for her to come OUT!! okay, well...i know she needs to bake a bit longer....but i have been SO unbelievably uncomfortable lately. knowing there are four weeks til my due date is driving me MAD! when i go out, i always get those comments about how i look like i'm about to pop....followed by me informing them i have weeks to go....followed by their sympathetic pout. *sigh*

last week was fun...had an ultrasound and got to see my baby girl!! i wasn't expecting anything, so after he confirmed she's head down, and then showed me her face...awww!! she's so cuuute! and even better, he printed it out for me. it's not as clear as what i first saw, but it's still fun to have another photo of her.

yesterday i was getting her room more prepared. my sister continues to work on the bedding...can't wait to see it in there!! i finally went through all those baby shower gifts...removing tags, folding bags and tissue paper, putting diapers, wipes, toys, hairbows away, washing clothes. today i took the kids shopping with me and bought a few things we didn't have. jim put the diaper changing table together and now it sits under the window, ready for use!

i'm so excited.

zumba? that's a joke at this point. i'm still trying to go but i just can't get this body off the ground anymore. i can't circle my hips or get down low. yeah...it's pretty ridiculous-looking. it's super frustrating, not being able to dance fully, like i'm used to. like i WANT to.

this is getting surreal. to know we'll have a new baby girl joining our family very soon blows my mind. feeling her move around in my belly...there's sadness knowing it's the last time i'll ever feel that sensation. juliet is my last. i've said that with each baby...but really, this time it's true. i'm 35, and although i've enjoyed being pregnant again, i also don't want my body to go through this again. this pregnancy has felt two years long!! i look forward to locking eyes with juliet for the first time, holding her, feeding her....and getting my body back (for good). five kids...that's a lot. that's my max. i love my family and it finally feels complete.

ugh...update!

seriously?!! 34 weeks pregnant and I'm suddenly having morning sickness again?! noooo!!!

just when I thought all the exhaustion, swollen body parts, round ligament pains and charlie horses in my thighs were bad enough....I'm waking to migraines and nausea again. lovely!! *grumble, grumble*

okay, back to my "glass is half full." i LOVE this little girl and can't wait to meet her. her kicks and wriggles delight me. i haven't met her, but i just feel like she's...oh, i dunno...CUTE! i love watching my belly move about and pushing back on whatever appendage she pokes at me.

according to my ticker, she is now the size of a honeydew. people are still saying i look like a swallowed a basketball and that i don't look pregnant until they see my belly....but I'M not seeing it anymore. just in the past week or so i've felt so much more awkward, unbalanced, exhausted, whale-like.... basically, i'm REALLY feeling this pregnancy now. i can't even zumba like i have been - now that is frustrating!! six more weeks...six more weeks (give or take)...

this is the season of mixed emotions. i want to meet her, i want my body back...but, being the last time i'll be pregnant, i feel sadness and want to savor every moment....even the heartburn and constantly having to pee... i will not pass this way again, and that realization brings tears to the surface.

after my next appointment, i'll be seeing my doc every week. EVERY WEEK!! yes, we are that close. still much to do...but we're mostly ready. i've been washing baby clothes and bedding, buying furniture (antique dresser), making a list of what we still need to buy or do...

i've obviously done this before but i'm feeling that "first time mom" feeling again...like i'm clueless, like i'm not quite ready. but i know it'll be heaven when she arrives. i'm so excited.

i'm 35 years old now and next week i'll be 35 weeks pregnant. i feel so old. i'm definitely done (yes, i've said that with each pregnancy)....but really....i am. i am so grateful to give a boy and a girl to my sweet husband, in addition to the three he became an instant Daddy to. father's day approaches and my heart is overflowing with such tender feelings about that man. i am forever blessed because he came - not only into my life - but my children's lives. he's...phenomenal. i love him dearly.

33 weeks...tomorrow!!!

wow....i just looked at my ticker and it says 50 days to go. ahhh!!! reality is really setting in, now. luckily, however, things are getting done!

since my bestie, shallyn, was coming to stay for one week, that kicked me into gear to get juliet's room fixed up. by getting it ready for shallyn, i'm also getting it ready for juliet. cleaned a bunch of stuff out, bought new, pink curtains, bedding for the guest bed.... it looked much better in there after i got through with it. it's not totally done, but at least it's further along. when shallyn leaves, i'll be working on it some more! until then, i am savoring my time with her. i sure love her. we've been best friends for 27 years - isn't that cool?!

shallyn threw me a beautiful baby shower and most of my local friends/family were able to attend. my best friend went above and beyond with the decorations and everything. of course, i expect nothing less from her - she's amazing. my awesome sister let us have the shower in her beautiful home. i was so glad because it was much less stressful!! our remodel is not done and just having it elsewhere made it more relaxing. i slept horribly the night before...a total of four hours of broken sleep...and was rather emotional...but i had such a nice time. and i was so touched that so many came on memorial day weekend to be there for me (and baby juliet, of course)! we got such wonderful gifts. the whole thing just made juliet's arrival more real to me.

today, jim didn't have to work - thank goodness!!! so he, shallyn and i have been painting the living room. i've wanted this done for a long time, and definitely before juliet gets here. so...one more thing we can check off the list! tomorrow, the kitchen remodel guys are coming to complete the job - hopefully 100%. i am so excited!!

i haven't been sleeping well lately, and for the past week i've been feeling heavier, more swollen, more awkward...  i will be happy to get my body back but also sad, knowing this was the last time. and just because juliet is born doesn't mean i'll suddenly be sleeping better! nope, i'll have a newborn to take care of again. it's been four years! i almost have that "new mom" feeling...

30 weeks

Juliet is about 15.7 inches long now, 
and weighs almost 3 pounds (like the head of a cabbage)!

Aaaaand *I* weigh 150 lbs. Yowza! Well...I guess that's just a couple pounds heavier than I was at this point with Jackson. Still....I really need to eat less goodies and do more ZUMBAAA!!

28 weeks

• juliet now measures about 10 inches and weighs approximately 2.3 lbs.
• her head is more in proportion with her body
• her skin is still wrinkly but fat continues to develop underneath
• she is developing the ability to orientate herself within her space
• she responds to stimuli: pain, light & sound
• her lungs are now capable of breathing air
• her eyes are capable of opening this week

yesterday i enjoyed a last-minute babysitter! angela came and played with jackson while i met with a friend for lunch - mmm...mexican food with a pina colada! i also enjoyed some shopping. i gotta tell you...trying on clothes sans children is heavenly!!

i can scarcely believe i'm already 28 weeks along. time is starting to fly! there is still much to be done! my sweetheart has quite the "honey-do" list.... *giggle*

here is a view of what our four-year-old sees when i am resting on my bed in the afternoon. my legs are really starting to ache!!

27 weeks

• juliet now measures at around 9.5 inches from crown to rump and is about 2 pounds.
• she resembles a thinner, smaller, redder version of what she will look like at birth.
• lungs, liver and immune system are not fully developed yet. if born now, survival is 80-85%.
• she is starting to distinguish my voice from the rest, although it's difficult to hear clearly through the thick vermix covering her ears and through the amniotic fluid.
• this begins the most active stage for babies in their mommy's tummies!

i just realized i never scheduled my next appointment. OOPS! i better go do that right now....

zumba love

i don't know how much longer i can do zumba, but MAN...i love it!! i feel the most free and alive when i am dancing with my friends. however....it's getting painful. it's totally normal and okay, but working out does bring on more braxton hicks contractions. when those babies hit while i'm shakin' my money maker, yowza! i power through it, but still. also, my hips and basically the entire pelvic region are killin' me! feels like someone took an ax to it. surprisingly, it feels worse walking than dancing - kinda funny. it's a sensation like my pelvic bones are splitting in several places and my legs are about to detach from my body, like in the 80's when i used to snap my barbie doll's legs off. yeah, not so comfy....

still, this mama just can't stay away from her beloved zumba. i don't go as much as i used to, so maybe that's a good thing? i dunno. i feel like i get a mental/emotional cleanse every time i go. with four kids and one on the way, i need that! part of the reason i haven't been going lately is because my hubby wubby is away and i have a daughter involved in sports afterschool, so i can't make it out to the evening classes very easily. the gym is also cutting back on zumba classes which is SO NOT COOL. i just learned they are getting rid the one class that is easiest for me to attend - the wednesday morning one. the kids are in school and jackson comes with me - it's perfect! he plays in the kid area, which is like a miniature chuck e. cheese's, i get my groove on, and we hit subway afterwards for lunch. it's pure bliss. but now they're taking it away. mama ain't happy!! heck, lots of people are pretty irritated by this.

anyhoo....zumba was wonderful today. even more exciting, a friend was there that hasn't come to class in a long time, so it was really fun to dance with her again. i don't like change. i miss the old days with all the familiar faces - ALL of them, dancing in our usual spots at the usual class times. i'm going to allow myself to boo-hoo for awhile. there are some great zumba things on the horizon but i still miss how it used to be.

after zumba, i went home and got ready for the day. made jackson and myself some lunch then plopped him in front of a movie while i prepped my camera. i am trying to take more pics of myself while pregnant. i keep saying it, but this is my last baby and i want to make sure i am documenting enough. so i finally get everything ready, go out into my backyard and....it starts raining. yeah. so here is a quick self-portrait belly shot as the rain came down. grrr... oh well, at least it's something! 26.5 weeks prego, baby!!

sicko

jim was gone for the week of spring break and i had a feverish, puking daughter, a coughing son, and another son that was feverish, lethargic and had the runs. what a long week that was! now, jim is gone again - this time, for two weeks. day one? i had to drive him (and the kids) to the airport..and i was throwing up. greaaaat. and it wasn't pregnancy-related. nope, just caught some nasty bug i guess.

that was sunday. it's now tuesday and although the puking is over, i feel like my stomach has been churning broken glass for the past few days. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. i also had the worst heartburn i've ever experienced. i felt like i was having a heart attack....or like a brick was engulfed in flames inside my chest and trying to push it's way out. i took the maximum of tums i could and it did nothing. my friend suggested raw almonds...so i snacked on those. it seemed to work for the heartburn, but my tummy protested and i threw it up. lovely!

i'm just glad i'm no longer bent over a bucket, breaking the blood vessels below my eyes. but now i have new problems...and i'm certainly not feeling better yet. ugh. i've been sick a lot this pregnancy! i understand the immune system gets weak during pregnancy but i've never been sick this much with any of my other babies. what the dealio?!

on a positive note, juliet has been SUPER active today. that's fun. i took a little video of her moving about. of course, she gets less active when the camera is on her (how does she know?!), but i was able to capture a few good bumps.

i'm feeling blue. no zumba for me. heck, not much of anything for me. i'm lucky if i can eat something small without it bothering me, or if i can get a sliver of sleep. *sigh*

nesting.

crazy nester in the houuuse!!

my soldier is away for training, it's spring break with the kids and most of them have been sick, i'm missing my man, haven't been able to get any exercise this week...and feeling like a pregnant mess!! along with this comes...the nesting. oh yes. it has hit.

today i was feeling especially hormonal...sad, lonely, blahhh....and eating everything in sight. i ended up in the spare bedroom which will be juliet's room. it's not horrendous, but it's definitely not baby-ready yet. really the only thing bad about it are the boxes of random stuff i've needed to (put off) going through. so today i dove right in! my bedroom has also been a nightmare, so i was going back and forth between the two rooms all afternoon. i made substantial progress - hallelujah!!

i wonder...does anyone else have boxes, bags, piles of random stuff? i stack papers and tell myself i will go through them later. months go by. when i finally DO sort through the stack, i end up throwing 90% of it away! what the heck?! why can't i take care of the paper mess as it comes, rather than continue doing this? i also end up with some kind of container...a bag, a box....filled with miscellaneous stuff. game pieces, paper clips, screws, buttons, tiny toys, business cards, scraps of paper with numbers scribbled on them....and on and on... UGH!!! i tend to be busy and when i "quick clean" there are always these random things that don't quite have a place to go at the moment...or i'm just too busy/lazy to put it away that very second. and so where does it end up? in the junk box. i guess one could call it an organized mess...at least it's all in one place? *sigh*

anyway...i feel better after having spent a good chunk of my day throwing stuff out and organizing. i tell ya, the state of my home is often a reflection of how i feel inside. so, i am mentally/emotionally feeling less cluttered. accomplishing something always does wonders. i'm thrilled to be another step closer to being ready for juliet's arrival. and when my sweetheart comes home this weekend, the crib is going up. happy, happy!

next week i have a date with my sis. we're going to the fabric store!! gonna create some baby bedding just for juliet. yay!

what's up?!

okay, NOW I'm 25 weeks along! and boy, can i feel it. seems like suddenly juliet is more active than ever, aaaand i am having horrible lower back pains....i'm talking the kind that are so low it feels like the top of the butt cheek! yeee-ouch!! 

juliet is the size of an eggplant, according to my ticker. and here's a lil' sumpin' sumpin' i snatched off a website...

From crown to rump your baby measures at 9 inches, and weighs about 1 and 1/4 lbs.    Your baby can touch and hold her feet. Her nostrils which have been plugged open up now. Baby is beginning to explore her environment and structures inside the uterus

and this...

You are now in your third trimester - with this comes fatigue, dizziness and trips to the washroom. Your uterus is now the size of a soccer ball with your ribs and diaphragm and stomach all compressed. This compression causes you to feel full after eating just a little food. With the weight gain chances for developing hemorrhoids rises. You may have cramps in your calves, back and tailbone as your ligaments softens. Your lung capacity is continuing to increase this month - this change allows your blood to carry oxygen in and carbon dioxide out at an increased rate. Breathing slightly faster and experiencing some shortness of breath can be expected

jim left the night before Easter for some military training. i miss him sorely. it's bittersweet, having such a best friend for a husband. when he is away, i get by just fine....it's just that there is an achey longing for him that never dissipates. i'm so glad we were able to get away this past weekend to celebrate our 5th anniversary. with the help of my sister (watching all four kiddos!), we escaped to our favorite getaway - the chinaberry hill inn B&B. we stayed in the same room we enjoyed our honeymoon night, 5 years ago. we had such a wonderful time. sadly, they are looking to sell....so it may have been our final stay. who knows, maybe we can squeeze in one more getaway before that happens? i hope so...

24 weeks

for some reason i thought i was 25 weeks along. nope! i'm currently in my 24th week and it feels like this pregnancy is taking forever. and that's a good thing! if this is going to be my last pregnancy (aaand, now that i'm finally feeling good again), i want to savor and enjoy every moment. i can feel juliet moving all the time, and i love it! there is some sadness, knowing i will never feel this again...so i am relishing in it while i can. 

so here's the bod. people keep asking for belly shots and i feel like if you've seen one (of mine), you've seen them all. i have the belly progression here on this blog for all to see, and although it's from my pregnancy with jackson, i pretty much look the same at this point. i'll take occasional belly shots for juliet's sake, but don't feel the need to take them as i have in the past. 

still no stretch marks...yay! i've never had 'em and hope i never will - especially since this is my last pregnancy! that would be awful if i got them after all this time! *knock on wood*

zumba baby!

I may be crazyyyy, but... I've been doing a LOT of Zumba lately!! Perhaps I'm subconsciously trying to make up for those 4 months of being stuck at home, sick? I am sooo loving being back, although I must say I only feel comfortable when I am completely dressed in black - it's slimming, ya'll! I feel like a whale if I wear anything else, and I've tried! Strangely enough, I feel like I burn more, have better energy, when I am wearing all black....maybe because I feel less self-conscious that way?

This week has been particularly coo-coo. I went to Zumba Monday morning and again that evening. I was back at the gym Tuesday night for both evening classes. This morning (Wednesday), I felt exhausted and nauseated but made myself hit the gym, anyway. I figured I never regret going so... But MAN, class was soooo difficult!! I felt extremely fatigued for the entire hour. Honestly, I don't know how Michaela does it (teaching class no matter how she's feeling). If that had been my class, it would've been awful. My energy was so low and I was miserable. But..I powered through. Afterwards, Michaela and I (and Jackson) went to Subway for lunch. I needed fuel for my bod!! I felt better but continued to feel major fatigue for the rest of the day. Amazingly, despite feeling awful, I taught Zumba tonight. Crazyyy Ellen!!! I took a power nap and ate some healthy food for energy, beforehand. I was worried because as I was about to leave for the Church (to teach), I was still feeling terrible. Thank goodness some energy found me and we had a great class! Phew! I've missed teaching, and I feel like my confidence grows each time.....even though it's just by a little bit.

It's fun to take Juliet to all these Zumba classes with me. *giggle* She moves around a lot when class is over. I tell you, this girl is going to come out dancing!  I am 23 weeks and 2 days pregnant and about 143 pounds. I am so glad I feel well enough (finally) to exercise and eat healthier. Before, I was only eating whatever I was craving and it was usually bad for me. I want to enjoy this pregnancy and won't stress about it, but I also want to be healthy and fit. I don't want to have a lot of work to do (on my bod) once Juliet is born. One thing I've really enjoyed about going back to the gym is when people ask me about my pregnancy and discover I'm not having my first or second baby, but my fifth. Of COURSE it makes me feel good! I tend to feel old and fat so it's always nice to hear compliments.

Well, it's late - time to get myself some Z's (if Juliet lets me)!

changes!

what a difference a week makes!!

in the past week, i have felt less nauseous. in fact...i felt good enough to make a last-minute trip to the monthly zumba party! it was so fun. it felt amazingggg to be with my friends (although i was disappointed not everyone was there) and dance the night away with them! i didn't feel great, and thought i might only last a couple songs...but surprisingly i danced every song! i guess the adrenaline took over. after the party, a few of us went to mama stortini's for happy hour. wow, the food is divine! and again, it was so nice to be with my friends again. heck...it was just nice to be OUT at all!!

i have continued to feel better. better, not perfect...but i am so very happy. i am finally starting to enjoy this pregnancy! on sunday, we skipped church and spent some much-needed family time together. jim and i slept in together, which rarely happens. after lunch, we took off to bremerton and (after grabbing some subway) took a ferry into seattle. in seattle, we dropped by the yellow leaf cupcake company and ate some scrumptious cupcakes. ooooh, la la they are so tasty! i had the lemon lavendar. mmm!! i felt kinda icky the entire time (except when i am eating, which is why i'm constantly eating something). we headed home and i made pork chops in a homemade marinade and coated in pork shake'n'bake. they were gooood. we watched "here comes the boom" as a family then had scripture study - the story of david in the lion's den. wonderful sunday!

monday was the BIG day - the day we found out what we're having!! i've been referring to this baby as "she" for so long...i was nervous the sex would be different than what i was hoping for (and what i felt it was). my awesome sister, trisha, came over to stay with the kids while jim (who worked from home that day) and i went to the ultrasound appointment. it was fun being alone together, like a little date! i sure love that man of mine!! the ultrasound took about an hour and we were so lucky to get a cd of 94 images - wow! in all my pregnancies, i've never had a cd! plus, she gave us a longg strip of printed images. she was quite generous! it was such a joy for us to watch the baby move around on the screen. we were super giddy. finally, at the very end, she revealed the gender. it's a GIRL!!! we can't wait to meet juliet marie conner.

after the appointment, we hurried home to relieve trisha (and share with her the good news). jim headed  out with the kids to pick jessica up from cheer practice while i went to the party store and bought four white boxes to fill with an assortment of pink candies as a way of revealing the gender to our kids. as soon as i arrived home, i put them together and gathered the kids on the couch. all at once, they opened them. i don't think anyone was too surprised...we all wanted a girl and even felt like it was going to be a girl. after the big reveal...i was off to zumba!!! first class in over four months!! it was awesome, of course. kinda strange, being there with a big belly now, but awesome nonetheless...

nom nom nom...

19 weeks pregnant, tomorrow...and still nauseous. *sigh*

i only feel well better when i am eating something, and that "something" is usually not a carrot stick...

so, i am trying to just be fine with the fact that i am heavier than i'd like to be at this point. i am trying to remind myself that, since this is the last time i'll ever be pregnant, to enjoy it...even the nauseousness. yeah - easier said than done. but...

...when i feel that sweet little flutter inside my belly, suddenly the nausea doesn't seem so bad. it feels worth it. it becomes easier to endure. and those baby flutters always seem to happen precisely when i need them to. my baby seems to know when i am worried...or when i am feeling extra icky. those tiny thumps felt right below my belly button instantly calm, reassure & strengthen me. 

i have no idea when this nausea will end. perhaps i'll feel sick the entire time. i have never felt sick for this long in any of my previous pregnancies. so i now move into uncharted territory, and will keep munching on the journey....

valentine's day

woohoo!! 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant!! still nauseous, but that hasn't kept me from taking care of my four children, keeping house, and being a red hot valentine for my sweetheart! *rawr*

i was up at 6am valentine's day morning and prepared a breakfast feast for my whole family...including freshly squeezed orange juice for my love. i'd given him an orange a few days earlier (celebrating 14 days of love leading up to V-day). it had a note attached, saying, "you're my main squeeze!" with that, the promise of freshly squeezed OJ...and i make good on my promises.

jim left for work and as i went about my morning, i found surprise gifts. first, see's candies on my driver's seat on the way to take the kids to the bus stop. and later, a big pink box was sitting in my window when i drew back the curtains of my bedroom. he's so sweet to remember...my favorite perfume!

later that evening, i waited outside olive garden for my sweetheart to arrive. i'm so glad i got there early because there was over an hour wait. jim was already on his way from seattle. when he finally came into view, my heart leapt inside my chest. yes...the sight of him still does that to me after all these decade (inside joke).

so i was feeling quite nauseous as we waited but it was so worth the wait. we actually were seated earlier than expected, and the food came quickly. ohhhh man, it was good. and even it tasted even better knowing we were paying with a gift card from my parents! haha...

we are getting soooo excited about the upcoming ultrasound. last night, we lay in bed talking and i could feel the baby moving around. it was so fun. just when i worry that i'm not feeling anything anymore, she stirs - yes, i feel like this baby is a girl.

impatience!

okay, people. i am almost 17 weeks pregnant now and gettin' antsy!! i thought i'd be feeling better by now. nope...still quite nauseous, all day long. the ultrasound is just a few weeks away!! we are soooo looking forward to finding out the sex of the baby. i just hope i feel normal again at that time, and that i also have my energy back. i've never felt sick past 18 weeks and that's just around the corner.

the other thing i am impatient for...feeling the baby move! i thought i felt something last week but then i always second guess myself. but it didn't feel like anything else. it will be so fun when feeling the baby wiggle around in there becomes a constant thing. i *love* that part!

i'm also impatient about getting back to exercising. i feel way too sick for that right now. i miss zumba!!! i miss having energy and being active!

basically...i am still waiting to get to that point where i really enjoy this pregnancy. not there yet!

our little avocado.

sorry, jimmy....this week our baby is the size of an avocado (jim can't stand avocados. and he calls himself a californian at heart?!). heehee...

16 weeks today! went to my appointment - nervous. as soon as the instrument touched my belly, there it was, loud and clear...a strong, beautiful heartbeat. *sigh* i'm very happy.

my next appointment is the long-anticipated ultrasound!! *applause* we are beyond giddy about finding out who this little person is, who's taken up residence in my womb. we're hoping for a girl, and jessica (who has always been correct in her predictions) says it's a girl for sure.

still nauseous...and having headaches...but it's all worth it. i am so thrilled about getting into the fun part of pregnancy - having a belly, feeling the baby, finding out the sex and being able to call him/her by their name. yippeeee!! it's been a long time coming.

1st photo

well...plenty of peeps have been bugging me to get some pictures up. i am NOT posting belly pics, so don't even ask! haha... for the past two months, i've been snacking on whatever i can manage to keep down *and* not exercising whatsoever. in other words, my baby bump is hidden beneath a layer of lovely flab so - no belly shots! perhaps if i can stomach a more nutritious meal plan and get back to exercising on a regular basis, i might change my mind. MIGHT.

so, here i am at 15.5 weeks. i've had eight pregnancies and this will be baby #5. i'm still feeling nauseous but it continues to improve, thank goodness. i normally don't feel sick past about 16 weeks and that is just days away, so...i am guessing i have longer to go. the longest i have been sick is 18 weeks. hopefully this icky feeling won't stay the entire time. that'd certainly be a first!

*grumble, grumble*

can i pleeeease be done with this nausea, already?! ugh.

i'm impatient, that's for sure. i'm clearly getting better and having more good moments than bad ones, but i want to feel NORMAL again...like, ALL the time. and i want it NOW.

now, now, now!!

*sigh* it's really difficult making dinner when i feel like this.

today i walked for a mile (out in the bitter cold). i love my little cul de sac and the fact that i know each lap around it is like one lap around a track. so four loops, and it's a mile. once all the kids were home from school and had their snack, i was outta there. i am going stir crazy! i have been home for two months, feeling crappy for two months, and not exercising for two months. so this was my first exercise in quite a while. i eventually want to return to zumba (we'll see), so i want to start small. walking is small.

i tell ya, halfway through my mile i was freezing and sore! my feet hurt, my left shin hurt, my ears hurt and i couldn't feel my nose. this kind of discomfort always turns my heart to what the early pioneers suffered (specifically the ones who began their journey too late in the season and ended up suffering greatly in the harsh winter cold, snow and ice). i wanted to quit at half a mile, but i thought of them...wearing clothing less warm, shoes less comfortable, and wayyy more miles to go than me. plus, i knew i could retreat back into my warm and cozy house and find something to eat anytime i wanted. those pioneers faced severely dwindling rations (down to no food at all) and there was no warmth or comfort anywhere nearby..with weeks, months to go. i tell you...i am in AWE of them.

so i pushed through and finished my mile. approaching my home, with its visible heat puffing out the top, and hearing my children inside, i smiled to myself, feeling grateful and happy.

knock knock...

...who's there?
ORANGE.
orange who?
orange ya gonna ask me what i've been craving lately?

ohhhh...oranges. glorious oranges. the fruit itself, a tall glass of it's sweet liquid goodness....ORANGES!  i don't know what the deal is, but suddenly i find myself wanting to visit citrusland every chance i get.

i swear, i must have had seven oranges today and three or four glasses of orange juice (pulp free, of course). and i still want more...

my sweet husband ran to the store tonight. well, he drove, actually. anyway...i sure love him. he bought me four more oranges because i ate the last one tonight.

four oranges...

that should last me...hmm...until about noon tomorrow.

into the 2nd trimester

i slept in and woke to a migraine. so i lingered in bed for about an hour, drifting in and out of sleep and evading the sunshine cutting in through the bedroom curtains by pulling my sleep mask further down over my eyes. ear plugs in, i hoped the silence and the stillness (and the 4 tylenol) would make me feel well enough to face the day.

by 11am, i was done laying there. i wanted to know what my family was up to. i cleaned up, put on jim's favorite lotion (it's a floral scent, which i hate - but i wear it because he loves it), and headed downstairs. i was pleasantly surprised when i came around the corner and found my two guys in the living room. jim was at the far end of the couch with his laptop out, working as usual. i took a mental snapshot as i watched jackson crawl over him, jim setting work aside to be playful. the rare sunshine, streaming in through the windows in all directions gave me an instant boost of happiness as i walked in and joined them on the couch. i love my little family. we miss our older three (which are at their father's for one overnight every other weekend), but it's always nice to have this peaceful time with the son we had together....and now, little bun in the oven. one could call it a brief respite from the usual noise and chaos which has become our day-to-day existence in a home with four kids.

i'm 13 weeks and 4 days. i've been improving, and have had a couple good days, but overall i am still nauseous most of the time. I'm back to cooking meals for my family but feel queasy the entire time. i feel better when i am eating...which is bad, because i can't be eating constantly. i am not stressing about it, but at the same time, i don't want to give myself too much work to do after the baby is born (shedding extra weight and toning up). i miss zumba. i miss my zumba peeps. but i have felt their love and attention since i've been away...perhaps more than anyone else!

we had a trip to california planned for next weekend but decided to stay put. it's frustrating, because the military would fly us there for free - and how often will our family of six get to be on a plane together? it's expensive. we'd also get hotel and meals paid for....so it's a bummer to pass it up. hopefully there will be another event in the future. but for now, i just don't feel well enough yet. and i know we'd want to extend the trip to see the sights, see family, and eat at all those wonderful places we don't have here (in'n'out, mission burrito, la monica's..to name a few). all that yummy food plus a rental car and fuel....is money we could use right now. so, like i said, hopefully later there will be another opportunity. *fingers crossed*

i really hope that i feel back to normal in the next couple weeks. i've never been sick past 16 weeks. around that time, i should start to feel the baby moving around. i look forward to that. i look forward to my belly growing (although it's already crazy big right now, for how far along i am - i suppose that's because this is baby #5). around 20 weeks, we can find out the sex. we're hoping for a girl.