# 5

so..yes! we are having a baby! it's still early (about seven weeks along)...but i am definitely sick. it's a good thing i forgot how awful morning sickness is (more like 24-7 sickness), because i'm not sure i would've been so gung-ho about getting pregnant again! it is absolutely miserable, but it's also very reassuring because it tells me everything is going well.

The result are in!

so here's what's happened so far...

• friday, nov. 3rd - took a pregnancy test at 10 dpo. negative. my heart sank. and after all that hard work! lol
• saturday, nov. 4th - for some reason, i felt compelled to take the pregnancy test out of the trash and look at it. i brought it to the window and tilted it back and forth in the light. *GASP* there was a line!! it was barely there at all...but it was there!! jim looked at it and confirmed i wasn't seeing things. i got in touch with my bff and she confirmed, a line is a line.... i decided to be 100% sure by taking a digital pregnancy test. the results? "PREGNANT" I felt overjoyed...but cautious.
• sunday, nov. 5th - feeling crampy. i began to tell myself not to be happy about this pregnancy. in my mind, crampy feelings mean a miscarriage is on the way.
• monday, nov. 6th - first day to feel nauseous. just a bit.
• thursday, nov. 9th - feeling worse.
• wednesday, nov. 14th - last time i'll be instructing zumba for a while...
• thursday, nov. 15th - last night to enjoy a zumba class.
• friday, nov. 16th - date night! went out with jim and my zumba friends for the twilight movie and drinks/dessert afterward. i felt sooo awful, standing in line for Chipotle before the movie. then, of course, our seats were at the very top corner, furthest from the exit! i felt sick and panicky, but pushed through it. i even managed to finish that enormous burrito. i could definitely feel myself beginning the awful stage of morning sickness.
• sunday, nov. 18th - made chicken scallopine and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. last time i will want to be in the kitchen making food for a while...
• monday, nov. 19th - TRUE & COMPLETE 24/7 MORNING SICKNESS BEGINS. cancelled my zumba class at Church...
• tuesday, nov. 20th - forced myself to make cake pops for james' class. it was sooooo difficult to do, while feeling so awful. PLUS, had to make his ice cream cake! thank goodness for trisha, who did my grocery shopping for me that day!!
• wednesday, nov. 21st - did my best to make it a nice birthday for james. i even managed to go to the movies with the family. we saw rise of the guardians - great movie!! movie theatre pretzels and nacho cheese helped me get through it. luckily james requested an easy dinner - hot dogs wrapped in croissant rolls with orange mandarin jello salad. 
• thursday, nov. 22nd - thanksgiving day/james' 8th birthday. the kids were at their father's, so we spent a leisurely day at home...me feeling sick, jim putting the tree up...
• friday, nov. 23rd - my family agreed to celebrate thanksgiving today so all my kids could be there. but i felt so bad because i was soooo sick. luckily, i forced myself to go anyway and surprisingly was able to eat some food and play some games. and, after being on the phone throughout the day, finally got to speak with the on-call doctor who phoned in a prescription for zofran for me!
• saturday, nov. 24th - zofran to the rescue! at first, i felt worse...but then felt pretty good. not great, but better. good enough to go to the mall with the family. we bought new clothes for the kiddos (photo shoot), and james got his hair cut (hallelujah!). it was pretty dang difficult....i almost lost it a couple times. ugh....
• sunday, nov 25th - that's today! i am in bed, typing this as i clench my jaw. i am extremely nauseous, despite taking a zofran. oh well....at least i know my baby is fine. there is a great deal of comfort there. i am going to put this away now and find a movie to distract me. my family is at Church. i almost went but now I am so glad I didn't go along. i feel terrible.

someday

i never posted about this, but a few months after that miscarriage, i was pregnant again - only to miscarry again. i kept that one private because, after immediately announcing the first one, i didn't want to make the same mistake. i am glad i never posted anything about it - only close friends and family knew. two miscarriages in one year left me feeling extremely depressed and defeated. i began to wonder if it was ever going to happen. 

in the meantime, i have focused on other things, such as (surprise, surprise) ZUMBA! that is something that brings me a great deal of happiness. i do not know what the future holds so i might as well just keep on keepin' on. it's been so much fun instructing a free class at church, as well as instructing a song or two at classes and parties here and there. some employment opportunities have opened up but i don't think that is something i will do at this time.

we'd love to have at least one more child. we'd *love* to give jackson a little brother or sister. i would love a little girl version of him. i would love to give another child to jim. if it's meant to be, it'll happen - and it will last.